Everything’s Difficult

This is an old post I just found in my email account I never posted, So here we go!
Before I got sick, I was a active child with little to no cares in the world. About six months before my chronic pain began, I tried out for a competitive volleyball team, and I made the team. The practices were intensive. 3 hour practices 3 times a week, and tournaments each weekend. I LOVED this, but little did I know in August everything would change while I was playing the sport I once loved. While at a intensively run volleyball camp I developed a severe headache that’s I’ve had ever since. Now I decided to continue playing volleyball when the next season began in late October while dealing with my a undiagnosed and not properly managed pain condition . As my health rapidly deteriorated, I quickly learned that trying to keep up with healthy individuals was not an option, and that my only choice was to quit my team… Tough
This transition was the most difficult time in my childhood. Volleyball was my identity, who I was..and loosing made me feel like I couldn’t fit in anywheres. And being sick most of the time made it even harder to make new friends. Loosing the sport I loved from a condition no one understood frustrated me to the high heavens. I began to be hostile to my doctors and health care professionals, ignoring their suggestions, not complying with my medication and many other self destructing activities. Soon I had created a massive “pit of despair” and I just gave up. I was a emotional wreck that pushed everyone away because no health care professional could help me.. 
I stayed like this for months, numerous ER trips and constantly angry at the world. 
This all changed during one trip to the ER. Where I realizes how much I was hurting the people that loved me. My mother sat at my side apologizing for my illness. And I couldn’t comprehend why she was  apologizing for something she couldn’t change. When she explained that she has been seeing myself self destruct in front of her, and how upset she was that she couldn’t help, I realized how selfish I had been.. And I vowed to turn myself around.. 
And here we are today, I am actively involved in patient advocacy, volunteering and absolutely loving each and every day,even with my condition worsening and still little control over my pain levels.
 If you can take anything from this story, it’s that You realize that  can’t let a difficult situation  knock you down  and push you into the dirt. Life happens, and sometimes we don’t like the outcome, but you have to roll with it, because sometimes all it takes is a few simple words to change everything. 

4 thoughts on “Everything’s Difficult

  1. A very good post on how we affect others by how we choose to view and deal with our illnesses. Congratulations to YOU for maturing and taking responsibility for your own well-being (as much as possible, anyway).


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