Being Chronically Optimistic

ImageEveryone always asks me whether I see the glass half full, or half empty. I always say I’m sorry but the glass is actually full because where the liquid ends, oxygen begins and fills the rest of the empty space.

When you have a chronic condition, one of your biggest obstacles is the unknown. Whether or not you have a firm diagnosis, you never what is coming around the corner? Just recently I was diagnosed with Chronic Daily Headache. You would think that finally receiving a diagnosis would be a huge sigh of relief. And it was for a period of time.  I was so ecstatic with the thought of a name to my chronic pain, and I knew that there was no underlying condition. I could finally stop searching.. My happiness was soon cut short with a potential cause of my chronic pain. A simple deficiency. Many of my obscure symptoms fell under it, so I brought my hopes back up again. I began fantasizing about what life could be like if this new diagnosis were true.  The diagnosis tool was simple. One vial of blood. A small price to pay for a potential diagnosis.

Tuesday was the day.  two days later I walk into my doctors office. I first see the nurse, Gail who shares my excitement for these results, as I have known her since I was a small child. When my doctor comes in, we exchange the general small talk and we both know that there is a giant elephant in the room. She finally breaks away from the small talk search my electronic file for the lab results. By this time I already knew the results. My doctor’s bubbly personality was as flat as if a balloon was run over by a semi truck.  As she told me that my levels were perfectly normal, I was close to tears. I left the office while trying keeping my composure. Shutting the car door was my body’s signal to let go and just cry. Sometimes we just need to let it all out.

Looking back, I realized that I took the news of a potential diagnosis and ran with it. My optimism to a whole new level. I allowed myself to become consumed with the idea of living with no pain, and the thought of my life changing. But my life is the same as before that faithful day, but what I’ve learned from it is this:

Optimism is similar to a sword.. Sometimes you cant tell which end is going to hurt you. But you just need to take a leap of faith to reap the benifits

3 thoughts on “Being Chronically Optimistic

  1. Inspired by this post. By you.
    Optimism is scary. I won’t lie to you.
    But hope is different. hope, or “Hold On, Pain Ends” – is something that we can hold onto, as a wish one day from now. just know you’re never without a friend. love you girl.

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